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01 February 2017 @ 09:52 pm
living up to you - chapter 10 - desolation  


Translation Notes: 姐姐 (jiejie) is older sister. Ling Xi calls Xue Ran as jiejie, which is comparatively more intimate than shijie. It doesn't necessarily have to be blood-relation, but usually is. Sorry this chapter took so long, it was hard for me... I think after this chapter you will either hate Ling Xi or hate Cang Yu.

The reason that the barrier Qing Kui shixiong had set up for her would shatter and disappear under the attack of that flock of Muo entities must've been either that those Muo entities were truly too powerful or it was because Qing Kui shixiong was already unable to support it. If it was the latter, then he could be in grave danger.

Among such a large commotion on Di Mai Peak, which she could see clearly from up in the air right now, she could only see disciples from the other peaks escorting Di Mai Peak's disciples elsewhere. She did not see Zhangmen or the other zhanglaos go down from the mountain to deal with that flock of Muo entities. It could be that the attacks might not be limited to Di Mai Peak.

“Second Shixiong is over there!”

From far in the distance, Ling Xi could already see Qing Kui was trapped in the center of a clearing. His pale blue robe had bloodstains on it, unknown whether it was his own blood or others. His hair which was neatly pulled back before he left had broken free, tossed around by the night wind. The wine jug that he carried around had already grew to twice his height, suspended in mid-air. However it was just dangling in the air besides him, appearing to be at a loss of what to do.

What was surrounding Qing Kui was not Muo entities from outside, but Di Mai Peak's disciples!

She could only see the ring of disciples with long swords in hand, their expressions fierce. They were moving into an array formation, without even a second of hesitation they unleashed their offensive strike directly at Qing Kui.

Qing Kui, obviously minding that his attackers' were his shidis and shimeis, only used defensive and not offensive.

Ling Xi once heard Qing Kui mention the Great Xian-Muo War that happened sixty years ago.

Muo, is born of the the heretic thoughts of the six realms. They say, with one thought one could become a buddha, but with the next thought turn into a Muo. No matter how pure someone is, they would still have some attachments and desires. There is no exception, not even for a Xian, who ultimately is not made of wood, cold and without feelings. Some of these 'attachments' if they are too deep, they become obsessions. With obsessions, one could be easily be harassed by heretic influences, breeding heretic thoughts until eventually they become a Muo themselves.

That is why during the Great Xian-Muo War, the Muo entities were not great in number, but was able to repeatedly overpower them, nearly pushing Cang Jia Shan to the brink of destruction. It is simply because they are able to exploit those weaknesses, taint the human heart and entice them to become Muo. From there on, they would have lost all grip on their inherent nature.

Those Cang Jia disciples that were attacking Qing Kui at that moment, afraid they are exactly as feared, their hearts and minds have been completely devoured by Muo influences.

“You go rescue Qing Kui shixiong out of there!” Ling Xi stopped at the mouth of a cave. “He must've been affected in the mind too, or else he wouldn't have been trapped for so long, unable to escape!”

Those disciples that had him surrounded are ultimately new disciples that have just started their cultivation. Even if they outnumbered him by even more than now, they could not possibly be his match, yet he was trapped in the center without any resolve!

The little black turtle that was now an eagle gave Ling Xi a glance. Ling Xi could slightly understand the meaning in it's gaze, blinking as she assured “I can protect myself, as long as you go fast and come back fast.”

As she said this, she formed a seal with one hand, stretching it out into a barrier. It flickered faintly with silver light. To her comfort, it actually had some thickness to it.

Ironically this time around, little black turtle was being quite obedient. It too one look at the barrier, touching it with its beak. After seeing it thicken some more, it spread its wings and took off towards Qing Kui.

As soon as little black turtle left, Ling xi heard what sounded almost like the sound of a girl's sobbing faintly drifting over from inside the cave. Taking a few steps back, sure enough she could see a girl wearing a pale blue dress curled up behind a boulder, trembling.

“Jiejie...” Ling Xi called out to her, “Jiejie over there, do you want to come in here with me?”

Ling Xi thought inside her head, since her spiritual power is enough to bloom ten thousand snow lotuses, perhaps the defensive strength of the barrier she had formed should not be that bad. At least it beats hiding behind a big rock.

The girl that was hiding behind the rock moved, stopped crying and carefully stuck out her head.

Once her face came into Ling Xi's sight, her eyes widened, “You...are...?”

When the girl saw Ling Xi, she also froze with wide eyes. Forgetting to even wipe her tears and, as if trying to recall, after a while asked, “Ling Xi?”

Inside Ling Xi's mind at this moment, finally a few images fluttered through, but still she could not remember who this girl was at all, only feeling a familiarity as if she had seen that face somewhere before.

“Ling Xi, you don't remember me?” The girl wiped away her tears, standing up. After tidying up her messy hair, revealing her entire face, she continued, “Two and a half years ago, at the foot of the mountain...”

“You are Qing Nian shixiong's...”

Ling's memory isn't good, there are a lot of things in the past that she only recalls a shadow of. However that incident two and a half years ago, perhaps as long as she lived in Cang Jia Shan, she will never be able to forget it.

At that time she had only been on the mountain for half a year. She had spent half a year's time hitting those qingrong leaves, without understanding Feng Shu's intention. Also because she missed her gege so much, she always had a feeling that maybe he was still in that village at the foot of the mountain waiting for her. Hence, on one random night when the moon was hiding and the wind was blowing, she sneaked down from Tian Mai Peak by herself.

She couldn't remember the way, neither did she know how to use any Xian spells. Tian Mai Peak was full of steep and rugged terrain, along the way it even started to rain heavily. Even if she wanted to go back, she couldn't find her own footsteps, she could only convince herself to continue down the slope. The sky was dark and the path was dangerous, when she lost her footing and slid down, if it wasn't for Qing Nian shixiong suddenly appearing out of nowhere and saving her, she might've fallen to her death right then and there.

That night Qing Nian was gliding overhead on his sword, his face anxious. After saving her, he did not say a word, immediately rushing down the mountain. He set her down, threw a barrier over her and went off only telling her to wait for him to return.

That night was just like this night, a flock of Muo was causing havoc. The only difference was that time it was happening in the mortal realm. Moreover, gege was the only thought going through her head at the time so she easily fell under those Muo's influences. She ran out of the barrier, sabotaged Cang Jia Shan's large-scale plan to eradicate the Muo and caused the death of over a hundred Cang Jia disciples.

That night Qing Nian shixiong had rushed down the mountain, the reason was to rescue someone that was still in the mortal realm... the girl that was before her right now.

“Yes, I'm...” The girl was a little shy, leaning in closer to Ling Xi, “My name is Xue Ran. Qing Nian said I'm his... jiejie.”

Ling Xi stared at her in shock. Sure, from a glance she did look to be older than her, but... how is it possible that she is even older than Qing Nian. Qing Nian had been on Cang Jia Shan for at least three hundred years.

“Do... do you already have an immortal body?” Ling Xi's mind could only come up with this one explanation. However, why would someone who already has an immortal body need to resort to hiding back here...

“I don't.” Xue Ran shook her head furiously, in a hushed voice added, “Qing Nian said, three hundred years ago I was his jiejie. The present me right now, is her reincarnation.”

Ling Xi nodded as if caught in a trance. The person who has passed through reincarnation, is she still the same person from before?

Ling Xi and Xue Ran huddled together inside that barrier, for a moment they were speechless. This night was particularly long, giving one the illusion that the sun may never rise again.

If Ling Xi was standing by the cave entrance, she might've still been able to catch a vague glimpse of what was happening over where Qing Kui was, but in order to avoid being seen by those Muo entities, she and Xue Ran was curled up in the very corner of the cave. However as time stretched on, she started to get worried.

Outside, the clamor of the Muo have started to get weaker, the screams of Cang Jia Shan disciples have also started to dissipate, but Ling Xi was getting more and more uneasy. Little black turtle hadn't come back. Qing Kui shixiong hadn't come back. Da Shixiong, Zhangmen and the zhanglaos, none of them have appeared...

“Ling Xi, should we go outside?” Ling Xi had been holding it in the whole time, however it was Xue Ran that first spoke. “I'm worried... worried that Qing Nian...”

It's true, that year when the Muo realm attacked the mortal realm, Qing Nian was still able to feel the danger that Xue Ran was in and rush to her rescue. Today in the midst of such commotion, why had he not appeared once even?

“Jiejie, if we go outside... wouldn't we become a burden?” Ling Xi's heart was still seared from the memory of what happened last time due to her brashness.

“If I don't go out, that flock of Muo...” Xue Ran's delicate eyebrows creased together slightly, worry apparent in her voice, “If Qing Nian doesn't find me, he could fall into their influences...”

“I understand.” Ling Xi asked, “Jiejie, do you know how to glide on a sword?”

Xue Ran nodded.

Ling Xi felt that, after hearing Xue Ran's worries, it seems like her previous suspicions had been answered.

Xue Ran had been cultivating for no longer than two years at most, her natural endowments towards cultivation were only average. Her sword gliding skills had not been honed to its best, so she had some difficulty gliding with Ling Xi in tow. Fortunately when the two exited, it did not play out as they had imagined, with countless Muo entities giving chase. Rather it was the opposite, calm to the point where is was unnerving.

“Xue Ran jiejie, why... why is there not even one person?” Ling Xi's arms were tightly wrapped around Xue Ran's waist. Cold and sinister wind blew at them, causing her to shiver uncontrollably.

“I don't know...” Xue Ran answered equally anxious, “You look around. While I'm controlling the sword, I can't divert my focus.”

Ling Xi took in a couple deep breaths, calming her nerves before lifting her eyes to survey their surroundings.

All around them it was just a stretch of black, occasionally when she saw something, it would always turn out to be a corpse. The only sounds she could here was limited only to the blowing wind. The two were silent for a long time. Xue Ran's sword suddenly tipped upwards, Ling Xi questioned in alarm, “Xue Ran jiejie, what's happening?“

”We can't see anything here, maybe it's because where not flying high enough.” Xue Ran said full of certainty, “If we go up higher, we'll see something for sure.”


Xue Ran's sword was pointed almost vertically, Ling Xi's face was scraped by the fierce wind so much that she could barely keep her eyes open. From between her eyelids, she glimpsed some light and anxiously shouted, “Xue Ran jiejie, on the left!”

On the left just happens to be the Sword Trial platform from this morning. Xue Ran's sword changed direction, also slowing down. This way, Ling Xi was able to clearly see what was going on ahead.

The most apparent to the eye was the white of Feng Shu's robe.

A tremor of joy washed over Ling Xi's heart. Not only was Da Shixiong there, Zhangmen, the seven zhanglaos and Qing Kui were also there!

However, while everyone else had retreated to one side, only Feng Shu stood there, his white robe fluttering in the wind around him as he unleashed the spells.

The silver light illuminated the entire Sword Trial platform. Chains of light hurled out from under Feng Shu's hands, one after the other. The chains formed into rings, ensnaring the person at the center of the Sword Trial platform, immediately starting to tighten.

“Qing Nian!” Xue Ran's cry rang out loudly.

At that moment, Ling Xi finally realized that the person in the center that was surrounded by everyone was actually Qing Nian shixiong!

However, Qing Nian's usually translucent eyes were now threaded by blood veins. His usually pale face seemed to be shrouded by a dense black haze. His head whipped around. As soon as that pair of eyes fell on Xue Ran, it was as if they were engulfed in flames. With a loud cry, the crimson glow radiating from his entire body brightened tenfold. Those silver chains that had him trapped a moment ago shattered, unable to hold him anymore. He charged towards them at rapid speed.

“Xue Ran jiejie, be careful!” Ling Xi cried out. When Qing Nian broke free, she could clearly see a black cloud of blood-thirsty Muo following closely behind him!

It was apparent that Xue Ran did not expect Qing Nian would charge at her with intention to kill. She changed the direction of her sword in a hurry, trying to evade Qing Nian's blow.

At this precise moment, Feng Shu whispered an incantation. As he pulled back his arm in bow stance, a long silver arrow materialized between his fingers, aimed directly at Qing Nian.

Xue Ran's eyes widened when she saw that arrow, afraid it would take Qing Nian's life. A moment of distraction was all it took, the sword underneath her feet skewed. Just now when she took a rushed turn, Ling Xi had struggled to keep her balance. With this sudden incline, Ling Xi's hand slipped, her entire body swayed and she fell off the sword.

The silver arrow pierced straight through Qing Nian's chest. A thick ink-like smoke spilled out from the wound over his heart. The blood-colored glow in Qing Nian's eyes gradually dispersed, the black haze on his face also quietly disappeared.

Feng Shu put away the arrow. Loosing no time, he sprung in the other direction, catching Ling Shi in his arms.

Ling Xi threw her arms tightly around his neck, inhaling the clean scent that belonged to only him. Just when her heart had calmed down, she suddenly felt a violent tremor course through Feng Shu's body. Her eyes flew open, that was when she saw that the black cloud of Muo entities had also transformed into an arrow, however it was a long black arrow. Half of the shaft was already embedded into Feng Shu's back, piercing through his heart.

“Da Shixiong!”

Ling Xi could only hear the cries of alarm from the people surrounding them. The feeling of dampness seeping in through the fabric of her robe brought her gaze back. She turned her head to see that the corner of Feng Shu's lips were stained with blood.

“Da Shixiong...” In a panic, Ling Xi wanted to reached out to wipe away the blood for him, but he was holding onto her so tightly, she could not move her arms at all.

The black arrow dislodged itself from his back, another mouthful of blood spilled out from Feng Shu's lips. Seeing that the cloud of Muo was recoiling for another strike, Ling Xi cried out “Da Shixiong!”

Feng Shu formed a seal with his hands, intending to block the Muo's attack. Then abruptly he swung his body around leaving his side vulnerable to those Muo entities, instead pulling Ling Xi's entire body tightly into his embrace. While the white barrier sheltered her completely away from harm, it could not shield her from what her unprepared eyes met with.

Ling Xi's eyes were wide with disbelief, entirely unable to understand why. At this crucial intersection of life and death, why would Cang Hai shishu suddenly strike this way and to her horror, his intention was to... kill her...

Feng Shu was able to block the blow that Cang Hai's sword sent towards Ling Xi, but his back which was unguarded was once again struck by that flock of Muo. His entire backside was as if it had been split apart all the way down, fresh blood was pouring out endlessly.

Ling Xi's eyes immediately clouded up with tears. Her throat was so constricted that she could not even call out “Da Shixiong”. All she could do was tightly hold onto his hand.

This hand had brought her up to Cang Jia Shan, this hand had led her out of the Cloud Pavilion, this hand had rescued her from the water prison of Cang Jia Shan, this hand had taught her so so much...

But this hand that had always been warm like jade, at this very moment, was growing cold.

“Da... Shixiong...”

Feng Shu's hand which was wrapped around Ling Xi gradually loosened. With a thud, his knees dropped to the ground, his body slowly falling over.

Against the blackness of the night, a snowy white robe stained bright red by blood.

On Ling Xi's robes there were bloodstains, on her face were splashes of blood, and her hands, they were completely covered in blood!

She had never known, Xian, could also shed this much blood.

“Feng Shu! At this stage, how can you still protect this demon!” Cang Hai angrily pointed at Ling Xi, “If it isn't her, what else could attract so many of the Muo realm's demons! Cang Jia Shan cannot keep her!”

The other zhanglaos and arch disciples were in combat with that flock of Muo, Ling Xi could only put hope on Cang Yu, crying “Zhangmen, please save Da Shixiong... Da Shixiong, Da Shixiong's body is already cold... Please Zhangmen, Please save Da Shixiong! Someone as small as Ling Xi is not even worth mention, whatever punishment Zhangmen passes, Ling Xi will take it! But... But Da Shixiong cannot die!”

The other disciples wavered, wanting to plead with Ling Xi, but seeing Zhangmen's expressionless face, they sealed their lips before the words could come out.

“Zhangmen, Ling Xi begs you!” Ling Xi knelt down on the ground facing Cang Yu, her forehead connecting relentlessly with the ground.

Something finally flickered in Cang Yu's gaze. He sighed, assuring her, “You have no need to worry, nothing will happen to him.”

Saying this, he stepped forward and helped Feng Shu up, making him swallow a few pills.

“Take Da Shixiong down from here.”

Upon Cang Yu's order, Ling Xi saw a few people carry Feng Shu away, her heart finally calmed down.

Originally that flock of Muo had been inside of Qing Nian's body, so it was difficult to deal with them. Now that they have been driven out, a few zhanglao with the help of Qing Kui and Qing Lian were able to subdue them very quickly.

Ling Xi had not yet recovered from the emotions just now, Cang Yu's qingxu staff was already pointed towards her.

“The snow lotuses disintegrate into ash. Child, there is no place for you in all the six realms.”

Even if her hand could bloom forth ten thousand snow lotuses, even if in the future she might be able to unlock the entrance to the Shen realm, he still cannot blind himself of the risk the six realms would face if he were to let her live.

Ling Xi wanted to wipe away the tears on her face but because her hands were covered in blood, she only smeared more and more blood onto her face. The tears also weren't stopping either, flowing out incessantly.

In the past when she would be shooed out from one village after another, Gege would always hold onto her hand and say, “All this vastness between heaven and earth, no way I'm believing there's no place for the two of us.”

But afterwards, Gege disappeared.

But now, this noble and respected Xian is saying, in all of the six realms there is no place for her.

If it's like this, she just won't stay then.

If only without her, little Ling Xi, would return these six realms an eternity of tranquility, she would accept it.

On this desolate night, the night wind never ceased blowing, carving and scattering the thick fog. On the ink-stained sky, a bright moon watched overhead, amidst countless stars.

Ling Xi closed her eyes.

Cang Yu raised the staff, reserving eight parts of his strength.

A soul with only this lifetime and no reincarnation, a single hit from the staff was all that was needed. Reduced to ashes and dispersed like smoke, the six realms would forever be free of this bane.

A violet ray of intense light shot up straight into the sky, casting a red blush onto the face of the moon. The wind became violent and chaotic, sweeping up fallen leaves from the ground and sending them flying.

Cang Yu's staff came down, withholding nothing.

A deafening sound ensued, reminiscing the rage of the thunder god. Silver white and violet red collided in midair, the entire heaven and earth seemingly became a brilliant gem, shining in all the seven colors. Shards of light flew outwards in all four directions. The light was so piercing, nobody could keep their eyes open.

Almost instantly, all sound vanished.

Ling Xi had been kneeling on the ground all this time. After a long time, the expected pain had still not come. What came was Cang Yu's shaken voice as his roar resonated through the silence “Feng Shu!”

When she opened her eyes again, Da Shixiong was, to her disbelief, right before her eyes.

He was still in that robe, white like snow, untouched by the dust of the world.

She rushed over to grab onto his hand, but caught only air. She froze there, watching as he smiled at her.

Cang Yu raced towards her, but she did not have any reaction. All she could see was him, smiling at her.

Inside those eyes, she could see all the glimmering stars drowned in them.

Wearing that white robe that was cleaner than snow, Feng Shu slowly bent down like he had done so many times before in the past, reaching over to stroke her hair, “Can't wait until you grow up anymore.”

He smiled as he said this. Cracks started to appear on his body.

No, not his body, that's... his soul.

Ling Xi tried to reach out again to grab his hand, still she couldn't grasp it.

Ling Xi started to cry.

Feng Shu's fingers brushed over her cheeks, but could not wipe away her tears. She wanted to grab his hand, but could not even feel the fabric on the sleeve of his robe. She could only cry and whisper, “Da Shixiong...”

Feng Shu's gaze fell from her face, a light chuckle escaped as he sighed “Still.. you can't remember...”

Just then, a gust of wind passed. His soul was like delicate pieces of paper, fluttering in the wind, scattering across the entire sky.

Ling Xi lifted her head up to stare into the sky and all those broken shards. All emotion had left her face.

Suddenly in midair, without anyone's notice, a silver mirror appeared. Feng Shu's brow, Feng Shu's eyes, Feng Shu's hand, one piece after another carried by the wind, all sunk into the depths of the mirror.

Di Mai Peak on this night was silent, a silence reminiscent of death.

The silver mirror quietly fell into Ling Xi's hands, reflecting her bloodstained face. A single drop of her tear slid down, fell onto the mirror, also disappearing under the surface, leaving no trace behind.
(Anonymous) on February 2nd, 2017 11:34 pm (UTC)
Sob sob
Omg this chapter is so sad.I cried reading.Thanks for the chapter.
(Anonymous) on February 4th, 2017 02:18 pm (UTC)
So sad
Oh god my heart is breaking, thank you for the brilliant translation!!
lyly08lyly08 on March 5th, 2017 08:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the chapter!
Feng Shu! Why is this happening :( I thought black turtle would appear to save her...
raini7o5raini7o5 on April 3rd, 2017 02:30 am (UTC)
Re: Thank you for the chapter!
Black turtle was busy saving Qing Kui *sniffs*